"I Believe in Christ; So Come What May"

Life has felt hard lately. Really really hard. There is nothing huge, just a lot of little things all adding up and overwhelming me. I feel like my role as a mother is shifting. I knew how to parent babies and toddlers, it wasn't easy, but it was more physically exhausting. Right now I feel like I'm being challenged emotionally and mentally like never before in my life. They have questions that I don't know how to answer. I'm struggling to find natural consequences for bad behavior. I don't feel like I can have an off day, because when I do, and I spend even an hour not checked in I pay the price. I'm trying to read books, and I'm praying constantly, but I feel like every day is a struggle to keep my head above water. To top it all off Stuart is so busy, which is great, but it means we don't see him much. Last week he wasn't home one night before the kids were in bed. I don't resent him, I'm just tired. He had NOTHING to do on Saturday (Shocking) and he told me to take off. I decided to head to the temple. It has been over a year since I have been within the walls of the temple, and that was a huge mistake on my part. My time there was beautiful and spiritual and filling. My soul was fed. I went with questions, and my heart was full of turmoil. The only way I can explain it is to say that it was very loud inside of my head, because of all the things I'm trying to sort through and thinking about constantly. My brain is chaos. This is what I took into the temple. What I brought out was a whole different story. I didn't get any definite answers, and the path wasn't suddenly illuminated, but I felt peace. My mind and soul felt calm and quiet. It's been so long since they felt that way that I didn't really recognize the feeling. I felt like I was breathing again. Last Sunday in church we sang "I Believe In Christ" and out of nowhere I found myself focusing on the words. It was in the fourth verse. The words "I Believe in Christ; so come what may" practically jumped off the page and bit me. It wasn't until I was sitting in the stillness of the Celestial room that I remembered those words. It all came together for me in that moment. None of this is easy. Being a mother is the hardest, most frustrating, and exhausting thing I have ever done. Its worth it. They do make me laugh. They do make me smile. We do have a great time together, but that doesn't make the job any easier in the tough moments. The fact is that I do believe in Christ. I do have a firm foundation. I need to get back to the basics. Its time to cut back, and find my peace again. I felt it inside the temple, and now I need to bring it back into my home. We lack that element of peace. If you want fun, and crazy then our house is the place to be, but we lack the balance of the element of peace in our home right now. It only took me a month to set my new years resolution (lets just call it my focus for this year), but I now know that during this year, I want to rediscover peace. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe none of this makes sense. I Believe in Christ; So Come What May. This is my motto for 2010. I can't control everything, so it's time to let it all go, and focus on the things I can control.