To Emma for her 9th Birthday

I couldn't decide if I should post this or not, but I am in order to make sure it goes in the book that this blog is being made into. I love being a mom. It is so hard, and exhausting, and crazy at times, but at other times you can look into those little faces that you are responsible for and remember the past and look forward to the future, and realize how worth it it has all been. Birthday's are hard for me. Not mine, but my kids. These were the thoughts and feelings I was having on this night that I want to remember forever.

My Dearest Emma,

I write this on the eve of your 9th birthday. My mind is racing and my heart is full. I can’t even begin to imagine how you got this old. It feels like it was only a week ago that I was up late on a Sunday night cleaning and cleaning and cleaning through every contraction till they were close enough together that I knew they weren’t going away. You were born the next morning. Your birth was quiet and uneventful, but magical and beautiful. While you are anything but quiet and uneventful, you remain to this day magical and beautiful.

This mother/daughter relationship we have is not always easy. We are so alike in some ways that make me positively crazy! And we are so different in other ways that make me positively crazy! I have a feeling we are going to drive each other nuts for many years to come. However, recently things have changed, shifted ever so slightly between us. We talk more. I am learning to listen, and to be patient with the girl who’s body is growing into the spirit inside her. I often fall short of the mother that I need to be for you, and for that I am sorry, but I am learning so much. I am learning about myself and about how to be better and how to do better, and I am learning because of you. You challenge me. You make me better. You are growing up. Right now you trust me to listen and to understand and not to judge. I do my best. I pray so often as I am talking to you that I will say the right things so that you will feel loved and heard and accepted.

If I could give you one gift, it would be to see yourself as I see you. You are kind, and generous. You are feisty and smart. Your beauty shines from the inside out. You amaze me. I thank our Heavenly Father that He sent you to me. I feel fortunate and blessed to be your mother. I make so many mistakes, and I am sure that I will continue to do so. Please be patient with your imperfect mother. I am trying. I have loved the last 9 years of this journey, and I can’t wait to watch your future unfold. Know that you are loved. Know that you are wanted. Know that you are special. Know that my life is better because of you.

I love you Forever!

Mom